Huevos Rancheros: Las Anitas

Merry Xmas Cabrones! I was gonna send you all a present but I couldn’t remember your zip code and there is just no way to look it up and you know how lazy the USPS is these days. So I sent all the gifts back and I am wrapping this post in a nice bow just for you, right in time to be late for Christmas. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

But I don’t promise that you will like this present because everyone is a little different: some people are stupid and have no taste, others are just ignorant and their tastes should be ignored. I hope you find your place somewhere in this scheme. I went to Las Anitas knowing full well what to expect, yet somehow, like an idiot, still hoping to be surprised with some gift of thundering enlightenment. I was mostly intrigued with the fact that they advertised a Soy menu and remember this place in Olvera St because I had talked to one of the waitresses before and she told me they had breakfast all day, which is always a plus. But before I dabble in that weird vegetarian fare maybe I should check out the normal meat-less options.

It’s the place across the way from the taquitos joint everyone visits, Cielito Lindo closest to Cesar Chavez. I had their chile relleno burrito once and quickly regretted that decision when they popped said chile into a microwave. Chale!

The Soy Selections. The soy burrito is “filled with beef like beef-like soy”. Look, only $10.50!

The salsa and chips arrive, and reality sets in. Yup, this will be exactly what you expect. The “salsa” was some weird sweet tomato concoction that reminded me of the spaghetti sauce salsa over at El Coyote but not nearly as bad. Plus the chips had a burnt note to them. Needless to say, I left most of it.

There was some office party going on down the way but I had some good seating in which to ponder these crappy chips and salsa. And then what other crappy thing should appear, as if by magic?

Ha, some weird tv tuned into a Rick Bayless show or something. I think you can start it but who would want to do that? He will just talk at you like yer some sort of stupid baby. I just want to get my food to be done with it because I know what is coming.

This is coming. Overcooked eggs on top of soft tortillas de maiz. A boring sauce. Oh yeah, and I asked if I could have the veggie-lardless beans but it just so turns out that they were fresh out. I ate my sustenance well aware that I have no business being here. But such are the cards you occasionally get dealt when you gamble on finding a decent plate of Huevos Rancheros. $10.60 is the price you pay for hoping something will turn out right.

You’ve been warned.

Las Anitas   213.623.1153
26 W. Olvera St.
LA, CA 90012
www.lasanitas.com

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