Huevos Rancheros: habitat

Saturday morning. Getting up is easy when you don’t have to head to work. Bright and early and ready for that delicious hot coffee you gave up during the week cuz you just needed it too much. Sit at the window watching the birds at the feeder. If only all days could be this joyous. Start searching on yelp for some new huevos rancheros to try. Getting hungrier and hungrier and everything looks like crap. Surely there has to be something out there to try? Leave the house with your significant other to run some errands with still no clue where the hell yer going to eat. Driving up thru Northeast LA and spot a place whose name reminds you of hamster exercise balls but you are game for something new. Throw them dice!

Well, well, well! They don’t have HR’s but they do have something called a “Breakfast Tostada” which seems to be, for all intents and purposes, a plate of huevos rancheros. All these new Angeleno eateries seem to be required to include their own version of HR’s on their brunch menus, because obviously everyone wants a proper breakfast. I surmise this place didn’t call them HR’s just to avoid some idiot on the internet comparing this particular dish to all the other ones just like it. Normally I wouldn’t include something not explicitly named HR’s in my hunt but I think we all know what is going on here. In this era of burritos being called “wraps” and the emergence of double speak  as “alternative facts”, I think I’m going to call out this tostada plate “w/ 2 fried eggs, avocado, pico de gallo, black beans, sour cream + queso fresco” for what it really is: HR’s avoiding reality.

A plate of your $8.50 poser HR’s please!

Damn that took forever. I think the people here don’t mind the wait tho, this is one of those brunch places where people go to be in lines and be around other similar brunchers. Some people think this act qualifies as being part of a community. Whatever floats your boat. I was patient since I had ordered a cheese danish. (It turned out to be from that Costco-like Susina bakery, wot a waste of calories.)

So how do YOU think this plate of poser HR’s tastes? Yeah, it tastes just like the picture suggests. I approve of the tostada underneath, that’s the basis of a proper plate. Too bad they used some of those factory made super flat tostadas, maybe from that Perico brand, but certainly not made in house. But a crispy tortilla is a crispy tortilla. The eggs were pretty good and cooked proper. Too bad about all the shit toppings. Everything on it seemed cold. Whole black beans? C’mon man, we told you that shit is for posers! Pico de Gallo on eggs? What’s wrong with you people? How has that ever worked? Learn to make a real salsa ranchera. Plus, pico de gallo is meant for immediate use, some of us can tell when it’s old and pulled out of a fridge. Not that it ever goes on HR’s, but I guess this is your “breakfast tostada”. The sour cream seemed to have some chipotle blended into it. Whatever. But how come it all still tastes like too much cumin?

Dear White people,

Step away from the cumin. Please.

Your Mexican Friends

Nothing like a breakfast plate to remind you that in all facets of our short lives, resistance is still necessary.

Habitat  323.739.0222
3708 Eagle Rock Blvd.
Glassell Park, Los Angeles, CA 90065
habitatcoffeela.com

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