{"id":822,"date":"2008-05-23T23:27:42","date_gmt":"2008-05-24T07:27:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chanfles.com\/blog\/?p=822"},"modified":"2008-05-23T23:27:42","modified_gmt":"2008-05-24T07:27:42","slug":"what-we-lack","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chanfles.com\/blog\/?p=822","title":{"rendered":"What We Lack"},"content":{"rendered":"

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I’ve criticized the influx of new and expensive lofts into LH a few times before, mostly because they tend to be poorly planned “renovations” of existing properties just to make a buck for some developer. And of course for the way they lead to the displacement of the poor, in a simple fuck-you-i-own-this-now sorta way. But some time ago I was walking by one of these new lofts and decided to take a quick look around from the outside, just to get a glimpse of all that fine living I’m forced to do without. And I took a few pics! So here goes, a short list of luxuries that the non-loft dwelling Lincoln Heightsian must do without.<\/p>\n

1. I always assumed only the poor had to live in houses made of tin sheets, but I guess poor is the new rich. Picture a backyard storage shed, but expand it a bit and add some large windows to let the hot hot sun come shining in, and you got yourself a loft. Oh yeah, but paint the wall all crazy and creative. Classy!<\/p>\n

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2. Ooh la la, security bars, but more fancy like. You all do know that anyone with a couple of broom handles or some thick branches is gonna have an easy time climbing this right? Just checking.<\/p>\n

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3. A kitchen under the stairs. Metal stairs at that. I once spent a weekend at an architect friends loft, with similar designer-ly steel stairs with some weird grating that were impossible to walk on without shoes, unless you wanted to rip up your patas. As the rest of the non-stupid world knows, function trumps form. ALWAYS.<\/p>\n

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4. It saddens me to think I will live without these fabulous faux bamboo aluminum tubes to keep the riff-raff from my parking space. Maybe I’ll just start collecting carpet roll tubes, paint some black stripes on ’em, and decorate my driveway fence with slanty poles. If you look closely (or click on pic for larger version) you’ll see they had to incorporate some metal wires into the “design” so as to block the easy-hobo-ingress gaps. Repeat: ALWAYS!<\/p>\n

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5. The Clincher. Now who doesn’t dream of an arty ghost car hovering over the front entrance of their new loft home? HAHAHAHAHA! Now I get it, the developers are making a subversive statement; Abandon all hope, ye Chumps who enter here. It’s the grown up version of sleeping in a race car<\/a>.<\/p>\n

So there you have it, some reasons your non-loft life will always be just a little less than. Oh, one day, I’ll be able to afford some meaning…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve criticized the influx of new and expensive lofts into LH a few times before, mostly because they tend to be poorly planned “renovations” of existing properties just to make a buck for some developer. And of course for the … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"h5ap_radio_sources":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,11,3,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-822","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-analysis","category-fotos","category-lincoln-heights","category-shit-i-hate"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chanfles.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/822","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chanfles.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chanfles.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chanfles.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chanfles.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=822"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chanfles.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/822\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chanfles.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=822"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chanfles.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=822"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chanfles.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=822"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}