Lincoln Heights X-mas Parade 2012

Another year, another Lincoln Heights Xmas Parade. The weather was perfect. The Parade was on N. Broadway. On with the pictures!

We got word from a parade insider (thank you Ms. Yepa Yepa!) that it was running a bit late, which I expected. So we took our time getting to N. Broadway, maybe a bit too much time, cuz when I pulled up Norky was passing by! I almost missed him/her/it, but I got my yearly sighting of the very rare peneagle. Even some local TV channel came out just to get it on video and I think Norky even washed his baseball cap this year.

Looking as suave as ever!

The commodities of fun.

It's the reason for the season! Where's your crown of thorns? How come you are carrying a baby size cross on which to get crucified? Chuy didn't respond.

Right behind him was another churchie blathering on about his opinions. "Look I have been standing at the door, constantly knocking. Rev 3:20" Dude, we noticed. Can't you get the hint by the fact we didn't open?

City Attorney Carmen Trutanich. Are we having fun yet?

I guess I missed the Aztec Dancers as they were already headed back to their starting point.

Damn! Someone went on a shopping spree at the Rite-Aid! Air powered Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Bob Esponja, penguins, and crappy candy characters all on one truck.

Lunch was also provided.

Jimmy Gomez picking his nose in public.

The daughters of Huizar were not amused.

Is this the shortest paletero ever?

Nah, just the laziest one.

Dinos Bomb Squad about to make a ruckus.

Big Truck, Tiny Tires. It's a thing.

Urban Forest in a truckbed. Wait, this one isn't part of the bomb squad.

Y siguele con las llantitas!

Going backwards? BUT THAT IS CRAZY! For a parade that is.

Some of the crowd. That baby kept giving me the mal ojo, I had to move.

St. Vincent big wig... props to his people. Hope yer getting paid!

This was, uh, that one drill team from, what's it called again? This is what happens when you wait a month to work on your LH Xmas Parade post.

Miss Taiwan again in the parade.

The first of many that would be documenting this parade with some oversized tablet cameras. Really?

United Seniors of Lincoln Park having a good laugh.

Enterprising ambulante came around with some lil' horses to make a few bucks! Guess it's working.

Drive by Xmas tree. Looks better than mine.

Ladies showing off their colors.

About to bang the drum.

Glad I missed the JROTC. You all do know that being a soldier is one of the worst jobs in the world, right? Consider a career in tamal vending, at least with that profession people will be happy to see you arrive in their neighborhood.

The epicenter of the parade action: control base and sound system. Here is where you should stand if you want to find out who the hell all these celebrities in the parade actually are.

Something is too loud for this woman. I wonder what that might be?

Could it possibly be the fact she is sitting right in front of the massive speakers? Possibly.

Oh oh! Pony Party Time is over.

If you hold up this black frame in front of your face you will able to experience the wonders of the LH Xmas Parade in 2D, instantly!

The kid in the green shirt was also in the drill team last year!

ALRIGHT! Grand Marshall of the Lincoln Heights 2012 Xmas Parade John Menchaca! Wait, who? Oh, he is CEO of El Arca, which I'm sure does some fine work. But still, Grand Marshall?

They did have a proper float though, with even a float driver!

Charros and horsies, always a good thing to see.

These were sponsored by La Naranja on Daly, the place with the permanent C rating on their window. I don't mind living dangerously but boy was I terrified when I ate there!

Nazi horses are spectacular!

Speaking of which, did you all see this cop breaking the law in front of everyone? Hang up and drive, douchebag!


Lil' Karatecas ready to beat down on some grownups!

Hello Friends!

Hit the snooze button, more boring churchies.

I painted this vagina all by myself!

Solano Drill Team in action!

Emergency repairs on that cocky ranfla from earlier.

Hmm. You know, this jolly greeting doesn't seem to translate as well when wrapped around a young girl.

The business end of the horse.

Young ones testing their chops in the bacon-wrapped hot dog world.

The guy in the window was, as expected, in his window.

Hmm, who is this and why is he speeding by so fast? Oh, it's someone named William Rodriguez Morrison and they represent the Republican Party. Yeah, faster buddy.

Some fine decorating I say.

The Friends of the Southwest Museum still putting up the good fight.

Every year, the Atlantic Tires truck comes by. I'm glad it does.

WTF?!? Some sort of giant ginger bread man castle or mountain or something.

Look everyone, William is home for the holiday! Just one though, not sure which he chose. Must be Xmas cuz New Year he will be working hard crunching those tax numbers with Ned Flanders.

It was a really big banana peel.

Look over there! A second later my Flamin' hot cheetos were missing.

This old veterano was tasked with the impossible task of keeping the parade moving at a good pace. Yes, he was frustrated.

"You owe me a dollar!" That's what I yell to this guy everytime I see him to remind him of the great injustice he perpetrated against me. You see, for a while he used to work at the Launderland as the attendant, but mostly as the guy who was bored and talked to everyone about any old thing, even if his english wasn't that great. And then, one day, the damned dollar change machine ate my dollar and gave me no quarters in return.
"Hey mister, the machine ate my dollar...."
"I don't know nothing -I don't know - I don't know" was all he said as he walked away from me to clean some fucking washing machine that needed no cleaning. I chased him around, pleading for some sort of solution to this mechanical crime that had just been committed against me by machines under his watch. HE TURNED A BLIND EYE AND ACCEPTED THIS GROSS MISCARRIAGE OF JUSTICE TO HAPPEN ON HIS WATCH!!!!!! Thus he will remain my #1 enemy in Lincoln Heights until another takes his place.

You better hide your miserable face you dollar stealing degenerate!

Ballet Folklorico Maria Felix looking good as always.

Aspiring politician in a parade. Maybe this guy is okay but seriously they need to have some standards. Even if the parade is only one hour long nobody would mind so long as it's kinda people you kinda recognize.

Dude is promising more "Website polls so you can help me decide how best to serve our Community". Democracy in action! Don't tell the script kiddies though.

"Damn you kids, you should be over on that block by now!"

Is it over or just another long lapse?

1-800-RENT-A-COP? Do you have any job openings? I've been busted for breaking the law yet again.

These festive dancers were having a good time while doing their moves.

LA'S BEST DANCE: The Hillside Hawks!

What is this, a tattooed Shriner? This ain't your grandpa's club anymore!

Mike Wolf is one great if seemingly unamused Oriental Guide. Whatever that means.

Well, well, well. maybe it is still your grandpappy's Shriner club cuz here come the lil' cars!

How cute, grown men playing with cars. VROOM, VROOM!


What is this? Someone people actually know? Oh, he get's the "Celebrity Grand Marshall" position cuz the main one was taken by that Jones Machaca.

Even the parade volunteers want a picture because it is none other than musician extraordinaire Brenton Wood! Pretty much the king of the Chicano Oldies genre.

Vendor swipes a wheelchair on which to display her wares.

That magical moment when a rectangular piece of paper with imaginary value gets converted into a bag of fried wheat doused in lime and chile!

Cart o' kids.

I will gladly trade you this green piece of inedible paper with the face of an old white man for one of your plastic bags filled with strands of thread pulled from sugar. DEAL!

Maybe I put the seat a bit too high.

If I can't dance in the middle of the street on a December Sunday I don't want to be part of your parade!

On the lower right hand corner, a fabulous picture of a watermelon.

Local drunk reaches out to touch the fairy in his dream. IT IS REAL!

This is the part of the parade in which I dance...

...and try not to fall.

More horsies.

Banda with tuba blaring out some pounding tunes. Now that is music!

More fans excited to have met Brenton Wood.

This is going on the Xmas card!

Let us take a moment to salute our true heros: A round of applause for all the eloteros and ambulantes that make LH a great place to live!

The parade seemed to go on for hours and at some point I was ready to leave. We headed over to the end part, by the bank, and this participant also seemed to be ready to call it a day.

The pizza party was on as usual. I'm not a big fan of Pizza Loca but I do like that the LH parade ends with a nice lil' after party with food and entertainment. Beat that Highland Park! Oh, did your parade get rained out? Of course it did! Bwahahahaha!

Just one pepperoni? Codos.

Where is Santa? Don't worry children, hs is just feeding the reindeer! Wait, I didn't see reindeer.

LIES! LIES! LIES! It is all just a world of endless lies. Sorry kids, Santa is just a worker at the 99 Only store that tries to make a little bit of extra cash on the side to feed his kids. The sooner you shed your illusions the sooner we can change the miserableness that is the now. Down with the Social Order! Topple the reigning reality! Oh wait, where am I?

Oh right, the LH Xmas Parade. Here we see some kids enjoying a short snow ride. Snow is nice when it is under our control.

Frames by which I can avoid looking at you directly. Cuz I hate looking at you directly.

Hell nah! You get yo' ass in the truckbed, this cabin is reserved for our lord and saviour, Chuy.

Christ don't want no boring loaves of bread, put something on it to make me proud! Thus, the garlic bread is born.

Finer corn art work would be hard to find.

Abe Lincoln put his vampire killing gig on hold to join us for a few hours.

The Lincoln Tiger wonders if it has all been worth it. The question of the day.


A closeup look at the gingerbread mountain.

Local drunk shows everyone the ways of the local drunk.

I think at this point we had been here for close to 3 hours and were ready to get on with the day. As you can see many people had already cleared out.

But what is this? Could it really be?

Awww. It's the saddest Santa in the world that couldn't reserve a fire truck to drive him around. Plus what is with all the other fake little santas?

Even the Cotton Candyero looked over in disdain.

The graffiti covered van also left in disgust, wondering why Sad Ass Santa didn't pick a proper ride on which to present himself.

And thus our yearly coverage of the Lincoln Heights Christmas Parade for 2012 ends.

See ya' next year! Maybe.

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