Dear Vons on Daly,
Do we make you nervous? A few months ago you installed new shelves to house and lock those items of hygienic wonder like Crest toothpaste and Right Guard deodorant, which has possibly deterred some of your shoplifters but has mostly been a hindrance to the rest of us, the average shopper. Don’t you see how you are making this relationship more difficult than it need be? We’ve already crossed your Big Black Looting Gate, we’ve given you our personal info for ugly gray cards just to save 20 cents on tomato sauce, and now you want us to ring, ring, ring a stupid bell and wait for a beleaguered worker to come and unlock that bottle of Listerine? All we want to do is look good for you, why do you treat us this way? You keep telling us that it’s for our own good, that prices stay low, but you’re a liar. I know, you’re just infatuated with your shoplifters: I saw how those veteranos made you swoon, while the one cholo covered in tats grabbed your attention by picking up a $35 rump roast (you broadcast your interest in him throughout the store over the intercom, how dare you!) his partner in the smart coat went for the real goods and waltzed right out with some pricey bottles of wine. Just like electronic DRM, the pros will always get their way but you just make it harder on everyone else. Did you assume we wouldn’t notice that you no longer pay attention to us? Do you think you can get away with it just because this is a working class neighborhood, why don’t you try that move on the hussy Vons over in South Pasadena? You need to get your act together, we might not be there for you when your little fling is over. We hear the Superior Warehouse over on Ave. 45 is looking for a date but since I don’t want to bag my own groceries, I’ll give you one more chance.
You better check yourself, The Chavos and Chavas of LH!