As a single working father of 8, CFO of a major taco sauce company, weekend valet at an overrated Pizza joint, and part-time accordion player with the LA phil, I know that sometimes we’re all so busy that we need to dip into that stash of easy foods: be it frozen, dried, or canned, sometimes you just need some quick calories. And even though I’ve been known to throw uncooked packs of ramen noodles, bags of flaked oats, and 24 slices of Kraft Cheez into my child pen, I was still appalled by the nod to extreme laziness by these two new items that have made their way out of product development and into our grocery shelves.
Take for example the “Fast Franks” shown above. How hard is it to place America’s Favorite Hot Dog into a Bakery Fresh Bun? Unless you have some eye-hand coordination issues, it’s quite easy. I don’t think you’ll hear any normal kids exclaiming “Look Ma’ I put my Weiner in a Bun!” At 3 dollars for a pack of 3, when you can usually get 8 buns and 10 wieners for less than that (I’ll leave the mismatched quantities conspiracy for some other time) minus the heavy labor (of course), this product is still quite a scam. Oscar Meyer must think you’re all super fucking lazy.
Another hot dog related example of laziness to the max: pre-bacon wrapped salchichas. “Hey Ma’ how do you make that loopty loop to keep the tocino on the weiners?” The Salvadoreño street food specialty has gone mainstream, and the packaging even promotes it as “como en la calle”! But where’s the damn fresh bun? Are we expected to search for our own bread products when we want the convenience of pre-wrapped? Check out the other side of the package..
..with a pic of the suggested serving method, cooked on the popular aluminum cookie sheet! Add some onions and it’s authentic post-futbol game food. Right when I was taking this picture I got the friendly visit from the super market manager.
“Excuse me sir, can I help you with anything?”
“No Thanks, I’m fine.”
“We don’t allow photographs to be taken inside the store. You know, because of the competition.”
“I’m not the competition, I just like the packaging on this item. Besides, I didn’t see any signs that I can’t take pictures.” I say this knowing stores have arbitrary rules they can make up as they wish. And on cue..
“This is private property and we don’t have to put up any signs.” The man sez.
Since I already had my pic I didn’t really care, but really, what is he going to do? Arrest me? Tackle me? Take my camera? File for a restraining order? Whatever you say little man, me vale madre. How am I to report on the price of onions? Or the availability of decent soy chorizo? What about the caging up of our toothpaste? I intend to cover the simple things that affect our daily lives, and if a picture is warranted, so be it. If that’s against your policy, not allowed, illegal, not right, whatever, I don’t really give a damn. That’s your problem. Go ahead and stop me.
Like I said, “I don’t intend to stop taking pictures.”
Chanfles RSS Feed
Lincoln Heights very own Pecker! When’s the Whitney exhibition? hehe
They sell weiners in buns at Deen, the market we shop at in Hoorn and cooked cheeseburgers with buns. It’s a worldwide phenomenon. Many of the items are ready to pour out of the plastic bags and containers – a large amount of the food is prepared or pre-cut but not pre-digested. Where’s my packet of saliva, I don’t have time to chew.
franks in a bun! se la jalan estos gueyes, antes no te lo venden ya masticado (or even digested!)
Nice post. Combines WTF food products with officious store management.
El Chavo,
“I don’t intend to stop taking pictures.”
whoah, you’re bad ass. Telling that bureacrat what’s what.
matt lucas
Oscar Meyer must think you’re all super fucking lazy.
They know people are all super fucking lazy. They’ve done the research.
The worst is pre-cooked bacon – at least the hot dogs kind of resemble the food they’re trying to be. That pre-cooked bacon is a dead ringer for preschool plastic toy bacon. It creeps me out.
You could have purchased the 3-pack of dogs, go outside and take the pic, then return it for a refund saying “I saw it was only three instant hot dogs. I need to feed eight kids, and if I buy three packages that gives me nine, and the last one will cause a fight between the brats, who are now waiting for me in the car . . . and no way am I eating your last crap dog.”
Watch him figure try and out the math of mouths as he returns you the $2.99.