I’ve criticized the influx of new and expensive lofts into LH a few times before, mostly because they tend to be poorly planned “renovations” of existing properties just to make a buck for some developer. And of course for the way they lead to the displacement of the poor, in a simple fuck-you-i-own-this-now sorta way. But some time ago I was walking by one of these new lofts and decided to take a quick look around from the outside, just to get a glimpse of all that fine living I’m forced to do without. And I took a few pics! So here goes, a short list of luxuries that the non-loft dwelling Lincoln Heightsian must do without.
1. I always assumed only the poor had to live in houses made of tin sheets, but I guess poor is the new rich. Picture a backyard storage shed, but expand it a bit and add some large windows to let the hot hot sun come shining in, and you got yourself a loft. Oh yeah, but paint the wall all crazy and creative. Classy!
2. Ooh la la, security bars, but more fancy like. You all do know that anyone with a couple of broom handles or some thick branches is gonna have an easy time climbing this right? Just checking.
3. A kitchen under the stairs. Metal stairs at that. I once spent a weekend at an architect friends loft, with similar designer-ly steel stairs with some weird grating that were impossible to walk on without shoes, unless you wanted to rip up your patas. As the rest of the non-stupid world knows, function trumps form. ALWAYS.
4. It saddens me to think I will live without these fabulous faux bamboo aluminum tubes to keep the riff-raff from my parking space. Maybe I’ll just start collecting carpet roll tubes, paint some black stripes on ’em, and decorate my driveway fence with slanty poles. If you look closely (or click on pic for larger version) you’ll see they had to incorporate some metal wires into the “design” so as to block the easy-hobo-ingress gaps. Repeat: ALWAYS!
5. The Clincher. Now who doesn’t dream of an arty ghost car hovering over the front entrance of their new loft home? HAHAHAHAHA! Now I get it, the developers are making a subversive statement; Abandon all hope, ye Chumps who enter here. It’s the grown up version of sleeping in a race car.
So there you have it, some reasons your non-loft life will always be just a little less than. Oh, one day, I’ll be able to afford some meaning…
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Is that ghost car for real? I always thought it would be a good thing when the world went topsy-turvy, I was so very wrong!
Bad home design ideas of the new century:
corrugated steel cladding for walls
tile floors in the kitchen and living room
refinishing splintered old floors
exposed pipes and ducts in residences
polishing dirty concrete
uncomfortable chairs
50 shades of white paint
fixtures that appear to “float” or stand free, that create dusty crevices and hard-to-clean areas
great post. these lofts are EVERYWHERE. I’ve noticed the pervasiveness of an Asian motif in a lot of them (bamboo, rubber, little gardens)… as if you’re supposed to get into the zen of yupiness. yuk
peeking into the window of the loft — fancy “minimalist” interior — these places aren’t for living in; they’re for not living in. probably won’t change much once people move in. crazy how people want their “homes” to look like showrooms — creeping high capitalism, even as we fall.
the non-loft, that is.
These rich kids should be where all rich kids belong: the suburbs. Everyone knows that the city is for poor people only!
What is worse is they want to live in downtown but want it to be like the suburbs. They want dog parks, when there are homeless peeps on the street, they want corporate shops where they know the products instead of mom n pop shops. Then they don’t want traffic, movie shoots or people of color. Spoiled kids.
Chavo,
Where is the review on the new city (LAPD?) building on Main st across from the brewery and the old DPSS office?
What is going on in there…some strange design… lots of roll up doors, hey Main st is not North Broadway…Guess they got some $$$ in there!
I passed by the LAPD building on Main during construction lots and lots of times. It is some sort of LAPD communications center (according to the signs they had up during construction). The whole things smacks of a relatively secret HQ, because there was no press release or new article I was able to find regarding the building’s completion. Maybe I just didn’t google hard enough.
They should get a real “asian motif” going. When 5PM rolls around, a wok full of oil heats up, and the old lady starts to fry fish. Then the old man drives up in one of these things:
http://blog.cardomain.com/blog/2008/04/decotora-jdms-d.html
Ah Oooh Gah!
That shit is crazy them places are creeping up everywhere…
chingado con estos lofts. i am amazed by your eye in the camera. I love the line: “I always assumed only the poor had to live in houses made of tin sheets, but I guess poor is the new rich.” ja!
This is happening in London too– really crap design to turn a buck/quid. The thing is the people buying these, at least in London, don’t plan to live in the poorly-constructed places. They are going to rent them out, so they are more like trinket real estate than actual living spaces, and renters deal with the actual problems.
Once I was in the house of a really rich LA artist and the design had no function– down to the bathroom which actually had a clear glass door.
Industrial chic.
I’d live in a place like this if my name was robert deniro, my friend was val kilmer, and I was running from the law, namely al pacino.
What about this family of
butt nuggets? That’s almost worse than the lofts. jeez.
this post makes me kind of happy that i live in south los. although last time that i was at work (overpriced restaurant) i heard some people saying inglewood was a gem.
btw, your blog is so nice!
This sounds like what the gavachos say when the mexican moves into the suburbs, it’s called progress and migration. Remember when more gavachos lived in L.A. before moving to Santa Clarita and Simi Valley.
i dunno but i like those lofts.