What I learned at SCI-Arc

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I got invited to the interestingly titled “Disappearing Cities” event / book reading over at SCI-Arc. I figure this is all I learned:

* Just because a book is titled for a useful concept (Dérive) it still might just be a book of poems written on a long subway ride. Throwing out all the hot theories and topics you can’t discuss because of the 10 minute time contraint (including one that sounded like paraplegic literature) doesn’t make the poems any more bearable.

* Reading an introduction which drops names of sexy thinkers, jumps from one idea to the next, and includes long convoluted quotes to which you will make reference later, isn’t the best way to keep a crowd focused. Especially when it seems you really have nothing to say.

* Norman Klein, reading made up stories about Freud in Coney Island, even with some sort of laryngitis, is still interesting to hear.

* 10 minutes per speaker coupled with no Q&A session afterwards, is a pretty lousy way to invite a discourse. Sounds just like school.

* Despite all the architecture schooling they provide, the best design for a desk/work area a student could dream up was some trashy mix of stolen LA City street signs and barricades (see pic above). It costs a lot of money for fancy kids to learn the practical skills of the destitute. Still, the poor do it better.

* Even though mommy and daddy pay around $50,000 for that illustrious education, students still can’t figure out how to get their hands on a cheap bottle of wine. Talk to luminaries or head for the wine? As in every school, it’s all about the FREE BOOZE!

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Posted in Analysis, Greater Los Angeles | 4 Comments

Huevos Rancheros: Tucson Edition

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It’s really not fair to take on the HR’s of another region as that’s bound to be rife with disagreements, stepping on toes and taste buds unique to an area. And who am I to argue with someones subjective sense of taste, even if it is wretchedly wrong? But when a restaurant dares to declare they serve “comida chingona”, you know that’s a fucking challenge! Caile cabrones, give me a plate of your finest Huevos Rancheros!

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Posted in Huevos Rancheros, La Comida | 8 Comments

Cinco Puntos

Cindylu, the writer of my favorite blog loteria chicana, tagged (or should that be tasked?) me with the request that I post 5 things you probably don’t know about me. Considering that I don’t really post anything about my personal life, that should be quite easy!

Un Pelado. I’ve had Cops and Cholos pull their guns on me: the Cops took my time and name, the Cholos have taken my beer and money. Still, I’m mostly wary of cops.

Dos Pollos. After much harassing by Animal Control and an official looking legal notice posted on our door, my parents made me give my 2 pet roosters to my Abue so she could take care of them for me. A week or two later, when we went over for a chicken mole dinner, I asked about my roosters but it turned out they had escaped just a few days earlier. It was some time before I finally realized what had happened to my pets, how now they would always be with me (or inside of!) and my Grandma, as usual, just laughed at this turn of events, without ever admitting anything. ¡Ay Carmela, que cabrona eras!

Tres Pobres. On Saturdays, driving around in my cd-less carcancha, I often wonder if I am the only person switching the radio station to avoid the crappy singing of Garrison Keillor and then back to it to avoid the crappy commercials on La Nueva 101.9

Quatro Pedidos. I very much enjoyed the riots in ’92 and think it was one of the best things to happen in LA. That opinion doesn’t make me many friends.

Cinco Puntos! Many years ago, a friend couldn’t stop her bike going downhill on Whittier (near La Mascota) because the brake didn’t work (now they call this a “fixed gear” feature, lame) and she crashed into a new Camaro/TransAm/UglyCar backing up into a driveway. The man driving got out, ignored her on the floor, started to fret about the scratch on his hood and called the cops. After a group of friends (we called ourselves Punks on Bikes, fucking clever!) convinced him that I would take responsibility (as she was a runaway, of course!), they all left and I waited with Mr. Asshole for the cops to arrive. Needless to say, at the first opportunity, I peddled away as fast as I could on my tank of a bike and he chased me in his puny vehicle, trapping me inside the park known as “the hole” since he could quickly get to any exit where I might escape. When he finally got bored of waiting and close enough to catch me, he bolted from the car and gave chase. I had the mind working on all cylinders that day and biked right through a futbol match, yelled that he was trying to jump me, and the old guy chasing a teen was quickly surrounded. As I somehow peddled up that steep 7th St. hill with my shaking, exhausted legs, I could still hear him trying to explain his way thru the crowd of players. Crap Bike 1 – Crap Car 0!

You don’t need to know who I am to know that it’s all true. Y ahora me toca a mi! I tag Kual y Que, Tin, Ensie, Linda, Losanjealous, y Bandini!

Posted in Chanfles | 10 Comments

V y LH, P/V?

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Dear Vons on Daly,

Do we make you nervous? A few months ago you installed new shelves to house and lock those items of hygienic wonder like Crest toothpaste and Right Guard deodorant, which has possibly deterred some of your shoplifters but has mostly been a hindrance to the rest of us, the average shopper. Don’t you see how you are making this relationship more difficult than it need be? We’ve already crossed your Big Black Looting Gate, we’ve given you our personal info for ugly gray cards just to save 20 cents on tomato sauce, and now you want us to ring, ring, ring a stupid bell and wait for a beleaguered worker to come and unlock that bottle of Listerine? All we want to do is look good for you, why do you treat us this way? You keep telling us that it’s for our own good, that prices stay low, but you’re a liar. I know, you’re just infatuated with your shoplifters: I saw how those veteranos made you swoon, while the one cholo covered in tats grabbed your attention by picking up a $35 rump roast (you broadcast your interest in him throughout the store over the intercom, how dare you!) his partner in the smart coat went for the real goods and waltzed right out with some pricey bottles of wine. Just like electronic DRM, the pros will always get their way but you just make it harder on everyone else. Did you assume we wouldn’t notice that you no longer pay attention to us? Do you think you can get away with it just because this is a working class neighborhood, why don’t you try that move on the hussy Vons over in South Pasadena? You need to get your act together, we might not be there for you when your little fling is over. We hear the Superior Warehouse over on Ave. 45 is looking for a date but since I don’t want to bag my own groceries, I’ll give you one more chance.

You better check yourself, The Chavos and Chavas of LH!

Posted in Analysis, Lincoln Heights, Shit I hate | 4 Comments

Sign-os!

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By no means am I a stickler for the proper spelling of words, mainly cuz I ain’t gonna diss on a practice I embrace: I love to mangle English just like the best of ’em! But I figure if I ever made my living making signs for others, I’d splurge on one of those dictionaries from the 99¢ store, surely most customers would appreciate a correctly spelled sign. But alas, I don’t know shit, as it seems you can still make a decent buck while pocketing that small 99¢ fortune. I suspect the recipients of the work are not aware of the signo (the sign makers typo) or maybe they just like it? Whatever the case, it’s time we make our peace with them. Welcome to the wonderful world of sign-os, enjoy your stay!

First up is the pic above, a new addition to the Broadway landscape, a store for Wedding dresses and Proms’s. There’s a lesson here about plurals and possessive cases but that’s not for me to discuss, what kinda class(room) traitor would I be if I started schooling my readership? Not a very good one!
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Posted in Fotos, Pendejadas | 6 Comments

Creepy Doll

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click for full size!

How else to explain this wonderful handmade creation? Painfully white skin and hair, bright red drunkards nose and cheeks, fake ass smile, huge black button eyes that peer right thru you = Fucking Creepy! If you want to scare some brat or other, this little terror doll should still be available over at Deseret Industries Thrift Store in Boyle Heights, in the “collectibles” section!

Posted in Eastside, Fotos | 5 Comments